Holiday Party Beat: DET Office Makes Merry in the Birm
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Words, reporting and commentary from The Reserve by Christian D.
BIRMINGHAM, Mich. -- I try very hard to live a stemware free life. I like to pretend that it has something to do with its bourgeois pretension, but really it’s just that it’s top heavy, and I’m a shaky, clumsy oaf. Of all stemware, though, the martini glass has to be the most offensive. You might as well just pour the drink right on the floor. If I get 30% of it into my mouth, I count it a success.
Even so, like a kid plopping quarters into a fancy gumball machine full of prunes, I had to order one just to see that ridiculous ice sculpture in action. Now, my aversion to martini glasses also means I know next to nothing about martinis. I just know that I don’t like gin. As such, I ordered a vodka martini (thanks James Bond, you vodka marketing devil, you).
I was given numerous options (dirty, sweet, fluorinated, etc.), none of which meant anything to me. After about 30 sec of blank stare, the bartender said “ok, plain vodka martini it is”. It wasn’t brightly colored, so I figured at least it wouldn’t stain the unfortunate soul I assumed it would end up on. Unfortunately, it also contained olives, which to my untrained palate created a drink that tasted something like booze and salad dressing. Again, I learn the same holiday lesson I’ve learned so many times before – I am a classless beer drinker, and I’m ok with that.
Also, the party was fun, and Laura (my wife) gives you all the same warm holiday wish I receive every time we go out together... “Thanks for not making a scene.”
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